Well! Florida's Rick Scott, the foremost hologram of the US Senate, appears to have twisted his motherboard's wires into a pile of knots. By now you may have noticed Scott channeling the demagogic fervor of his inner Tailgunner Joe McCarthy in a series of ads denouncing socialists and communists as threats to our fair state.
See And you thought the greatest challenge we faced was every moment the Florida Legislature was in session. What else can one say except to paraphrase Joseph Welch, the nutty McCarthy torturer: “After all, Senator, have you no sense?”
In the ads, Scott issued a stark warning that socialists and communists would not be welcome in Florida. Don't even think of coming here. Don't even indulge in a brief sense of whispering about the beaches, or Mickey Mouse, or the bucolic charms of I-4. Rather, we ask you. And not again.
Who knew? Who knew Florida was on the brink of disaster, should a socialist or communist be inspired to partake in a Cuban sandwich in Yber City or experience the romance of Gatorland, or just a wild and harmless few days at Two Eggs? Should spend?
Scott's manifesto required these socialists and various rednecks to know: “We are the free state of Florida.” And indeed we are—unless you want to read a book, or have an abortion, or put your child on Medicaid, or love whoever you want, or shoot someone in Florida with a gun. feel safe walking down the street without bumping into a man, or believe in diversity, equality, and inclusion, or want to learn more about critical race theory, or perhaps enjoy their constitutional First Amendment rights, which It includes the expression of socialist and communist viewpoints.
Other than that, of course, you're free.
What's so funny about Sen. Avatar's rant about protecting Floridians against the evils of Marx and Lenin that last month, Rick Scott, the left's great hunter, helped defend himself against a Ukrainian invasion. Voted against a $60 billion military aid package. Socialist/Communist Russia bent on conquering a democratically elected ally.
What makes it Scott? A fake fake patriot? Or Vladimir Putin's Lhasa Apso? Or better yet, Marjorie Taylor's Green Key Shell?
And Scott is instead worried that 1960s radical Angela Davis might buy a ticket to Legoland?
While Scott is busy making sure that Vermont (cue “The Exorcist” theme) socialist Sen. Bernie Sanders never sets foot in Key West's Sloppy Joe's bar, he seems blissfully oblivious to some of the other guests who Likes to call the Sunshine State a favorite port of call. .
While Scott is tossing around the prospect of a Woody Guthrie convention in Orlando, he is notably concerned that Florida is home to Nazis, white supremacists, the Klan, Oath Keepers, Proud Boys, anti-Semites, Islamophobes, anti-LBGTQ and Among those spreading hate. People who live in fear that a 14-year-old can read “Catcher in the Rye.”
Spend your days with Hayes.
Subscribe to our free Stephinitely newsletter.
Columnist Stephanie Hayes will share thoughts, feelings and funny business with you every Monday.
You're all signed up!
Want more of our free, weekly newsletter in your inbox? Let's begin.
Explore all your options.
Do you think Scott could find a place on the list of people not welcome in Florida that includes former chief executive officers of companies like Columbia HCA, who (at the time) have a history of had to pay the world's largest healthcare fine, $1.7 billion, for engaging in massive Medicare fraud on his watch?
And the senator thinks Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez of New York is ineligible to go to Florida?
A useless question. How will the Senate's response to Ian Holm's Robot Ash in “Alien” actually enforce the ban on socialists and communists who dare to come to YeeHaw Junction?
Will Gov. Ron DeSantis send his chintzy State Guard to the Georgia border and state airports to check baggage for contraband such as tomes on material dialectics (you know, the transition from capitalism to socialism) An approach to clarity) or perhaps a video copy of “Battleship Potemkin”? Will the guard ever keep an eye on someone humming “The International”? You never know.
How do such stupid things happen? What might be the Senate's response to the tourism torquemada (yes, that's a stretch) when it concluded that attacking socialists and communists who might want to come and spend money in Florida was a bad idea. ?
Do you think it's possible that Scott used the same political consultant who told South Dakota Gov. Christy Nome: “Sure, add the bit about killing your dog Cricket to your memoir.” “Great story! People will love it.”
Florida likes to promote itself as a place “where the rules here are different.” And they are, until Rick Scott decides what the rules are. Isn't this all about freedom?